


Crash

by accelgors



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: But whatever, Heavy Angst, Hurt then kinda comfort ish, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 08:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accelgors/pseuds/accelgors
Summary: Jack Morrison reaches his breaking point, and does something he thought he'd never do.TW: SELF-HARM
Relationships: Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43
Collections: Bloody 76 Week





	Crash

Tears streamed down Jack’s face. He promised himself so many years ago that he would never do this. No matter how hard it got, no matter how miserable he felt, he would never take it out on himself.

But as he looked down at the knife that was now covered in blood, he knew that he couldn’t take the pain anymore without some kind of outlet. Gabriel had tried to shoot him again. He had narrowly escaped. Maybe he would have been killed. He wasn’t sure if he really disliked the idea, but avoided it out of pure instinct.

Instinct. It was man’s instinct to not harm himself, wasn’t it?

Blood seeped out of the cut on his arm. This was hard to watch. It hurt, and badly. But at the same time, it felt like sweet release. All of the built up pain felt like it was being purged from his body. So, he pulled his sleeve down as low as it could go, took the knife, and made another cut, a bit further down on his arm. Blood continued to run down his arm, flowing just a bit slower than the tears in his eyes.

The man he loved hated him. There was no avoiding that truth now. And his faith in the idea that he could get him back was starting to waver. But he refused to give up on Gabriel. That was the last thing he’d ever do.

So, he’d just have to get the pain out another way, and this was how he did it. 

He had spent years self-medicating with alcohol, but he knew that even drinking wouldn’t make this type of emotion go away. Right now he wanted to hurt something. Get out the frustration. And if he wanted to hurt something he hated, there was certainly no one he hated more than himself. 

All of his failures. All of the way he let everyone down. Himself. The world. His friends.

Gabriel.

It was his fault that Gabriel was so hurt. It was his fault that he lost his life’s work. It was his fault that the man he loved was turned into a monster. It was his fault that so many of his friends lost their careers, their livelihoods, their reputations. Now, it was his fault that the world might soon be in ruins. 

He could blame Talon all he wanted. But there had to have been a way he could’ve prevented all of this from happening. If he had just listened to Gabriel, swallowed his stupid pride, and understood that maybe his organization wasn’t as perfect as he thought it was. So naive. So fucking stupid. He took the knife a little further downwards and made another cut, this one slightly deeper than the others. 

His enhanced healing caused the wounds to close much more quickly than they would for any normal human being, but still left thick scar tissue on his arm. Good. This was a reminder. He didn’t deserve to forget about this night. The night that all of his pain came to a bursting point. So this was what it’s like to have a mental breakdown.

He went into the bathroom and took a look in the mirror. God, he was a wreck. His hair was a mess, his eyes were puffy from crying, and his face was bright red. He held up his arm to the mirror, showing the newly-formed scars from a different perspective, and decided three was enough for now. He cleaned the blood off the knife, watching it flow down the sink, like washing away his own memories. Tch. If only.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to do it again. It made sense to him now how people got addicted to this. And he deserved to be in pain much more than any of them. 

Not knowing what else to do, he went to lay down on the bed of the safe house. He was exhausted, but knew he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep. Not when his whole body wouldn’t stop shaking, and he still felt like throwing up. Might as well try. Not like there was anything else he could do. 

\--

He spent the entire next day in bed. Although he hadn’t been injured in his encounter with Gabriel, Ana forced him into bed rest for just one day. He wanted to argue, but after last night’s breakdown, he didn’t even have the energy. Besides that, he really didn’t want to talk at all, argument or otherwise. He just wanted to be left alone. So he let her win, and decided that he’d get back up and try again tomorrow. 

He made sure not to show her under his sleeves, though.

During the day, he kept himself as distracted as he could. He turned on the holo pad in the house and played some games on it, not paying much actual attention to them, but appreciating the idle distraction from his thoughts. Truthfully, he barely felt any better, but he didn’t want to spend the entire day having a 24 hour-long breakdown. That would take out all of his energy, and he needed to save that for his mission.

There may have been a part of him that was just wondering if his mission was completely futile, though. No. Can’t think like that. He had to keep trying, even if he drove himself into the ground.

Jack sighed, taking a moment to get up and stretch. When he did, his sleeve went down, revealing the scars on his arm again.

He nearly jumped when something formed in front of him. Gabriel. In his full Reaper getup, but still Gabriel. Without even thinking, he instantly put his sleeve up, hoping that Gabriel didn’t see it.

Gabriel faced him; although the mask didn’t reveal any of his emotions, his entire body looked tense. “Show me your arm.”

“Why?” Jack asked, pretending not to know. Had Gabriel been spying on him?

Instead of responding verbally, Gabriel grabbed the bottom of his arm and pulled his sleeve down. Jack was too surprised to struggle in time, and the scars were revealed. Jack looked away, firmly refusing to meet Gabriel’s gaze, wherever it might be under that mask. Gabriel didn’t say anything for a few moments. Finally, he said, “You did that to yourself, didn’t you?”

Not being able to find any words, Jack simply nodded.

Gabriel let go of his arm, and he put his sleeve back up, as if that would somehow revert the fact that Gabriel saw it. He saw Gabriel’s mask was pointed at the ground, and he assumed he was looking at the floor. “Listen to me, Morrison. Get help. You can’t do that to yourself.”

“What do you care?” Jack mumbled.

Gabriel ignored him. “There are people that will support you, Jack. They’ll be willing to care about you. Go to them, and they’ll help you.”

Jack scoffed. “What are you, my therapist now?”

“Quiet,” Gabriel said. Excuse you? “I’m going to give you a freebie. I won’t kill you this time. Just leave me alone from now on, and I’ll leave you alone. Go be happy with your friends.”

“I can’t do that, Gabe,” Jack said, trying not to tear up again. “I can’t be happy without you.”

Gabriel shook his head. “I can’t come back to you. We can’t go back to the past. But you have friends. People that love you. I don’t have that. You have options.” He sighed. “Just this once, listen to me instead of being a stubborn ass. Let your friends comfort you. Maybe get some therapy. You’re killing yourself, and I’m not worth doing that over.” 

Before Jack had the chance to argue further, Gabriel turned to smoke and was gone, leaving Jack stunned in place.

After a moment of gathering his thoughts, Jack considered Gabriel’s words. He sure as hell wasn’t going to give up that easily. Fuck his ‘freebie’. But maybe he was right about one thing. Maybe he needed help.

So, Jack walked out of the room to see Ana, making sure his sleeve was down.

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt hurt/mending
> 
> i'll be honest, this was 90% vent writing
> 
> also an obligatory thing here: this was not meant to glorify or glamorize self-harm in any way. if you harm yourself, please talk to somebody about it. (preferably somebody other than an international terrorist)


End file.
